Fishnapped
by King of Woodhaven
Summary: Link is abducted by Ruto, and Zelda and the other sages embark on a mission to save him before it's too late.


The night was moist… no, the night was sultry. Link, on his way to kakariko village, still shivered as though he had a premonition of what was to come. A fishy smell wafted through the air of the damp,rainy night.

" A bit faster" he whispered to Epona on whom he rode.

Link always hated the foul smell of fish, for it reminded him of Ruto and his unwilling engagement to the repugnant creature.

He felt as though he was being watched if not stalked, so he kicked Epona a bit harder. He rode faster and faster,trying to avoid the river adjacent to the the Hyrule field path, for he did not wish to be kidnaped by an army of zoras.

He slowed Epona down as he approached the bridge. After checking both ways,he began to carefully cross. No sooner than he reached the center of the bridge did Epona come to a complete stop.

Not too far in front of him on the other bank, a cloaked figure emerged from the fog descending from the stairs to kakariko. Link and the figure stared each other down for a few straight seconds before he realized who it was.

"Ruto you do remember our little restraining order I have against you, it says your supposed to not come within five miles of me... Or zelda."

The mysterious figure said nothing.

"For the love of nayru, say something, you're like scaring the bejesus out of me."

With this the figure lifted the cloak off her head, revealing it was not Ruto who wore the cloak, but Impa.

"Oh Impa I thought you were that awful Ruto creature,out to take me to her watery lair" said Link" You don't know how hard I've worked to avoid her all these years" he said,shivering at the thought of her.

Impa sad nothing but wordlessly pointed to behind He turned around he saw that Ruto was now behind him; thus, making him scream.

"Sorry Ruto,I didn't mean all those things I said about you,"

"That is ok,my soon to be husband,you will be forgiven, but now we must go to zora's domain to be married."

Link kicked Epona and she sprung to life dashing over to the other side of the bridge; however, his face met with Impa's meaty fist sending,him off Epona.

"Impa?why?" Was all Link could gasp as he lay on the ground,doubled over in pain.

"I'm sorry link, but I can't have the Princess Zelda falling in love with a commoner and ruining the royal families bloodline."

"So that means you set a trap for me giving me over to be abducted by a deranged fish woman?" Link replied,feeling quite betrayed.

"Sorry, but yes, it is my duty to protect the princess at all costs,"said Impa,trying to sound sincere but miserably failing- quite possibly on purpose to make the blow all the more painful.

"If I recall it was I who saved her Gannon, not you," said link angerly.

"Don't rub it in" snapped Impa," plus that was in another timeline so it doesn't even count."

"Does too" said Link, his face burning.

"Does not," she said calmly. She was so creepy.

"Does too," said Link.

"Does not infinitely forever times 10," Said Impa.

"Does too infinitely forever times…," she mercilessly cut him off before he could finish.

"I don't have all night to argue with you," she said frustratedly." I'm still planning your death."

"Any final regrets?" she asked him.

"Yes," said link, "not helping Bongo Bongo kill you!"

"Oh, don't be like that," she said.

A few awkward moments passed before she asked,"Anymore?". Link thought for a moment before he said,"Reliving my childhood,or rather my lack of one". "Oh, I see" Impa said calmly... "So-" Link started but The she- devil cut him off.

"Now I have things to do people to see, and by the way I didn't want to destroy your honor in Hyrule so the story is you were killed by bublins on your way to Castle Town,"said Impa.

"But bublins aren't even this timeline"said link.

"They are too," said Impa.

"Are not,"

"Are too,"

"Get out of here" said Ruto to Impa "I wish to be alone with my future husband."

"No" pleaded link, "please have mercy."

Impa rode off to castle town on her horse leaving link alone with Ruto.

"Now pucker up my good husband"said Ruto while spraying mouth spray in her mouth which happened to get in links eyes.

"Get away from me!" screamed link.

"It looks like you are tired,you will be needing to sleep a bit," said Ruto pulling out a cloth.

"Wait what are you-" was all link could say before she put the cloth in his face knocking him out.

Link awoke in a dark, smelly, and sadly familiar place: Jabu Jabu's belly. He was tied up in a chair and had a beanbag that tasted like trout in his mouth.

Link spat the bean bag out of his mouth.

"Why are you doing this to me?" He asked.

"This is where my parents got married,and their parents and their parents and their parents forever and ever,Isn't this just the most romantic place in the world?" asked Ruto as Jabu Jabu's mucus splattered onto Links forehead.

"No," said Link,"we're in a big fishes stomach filled with giant parasites and terrible smells."

"Oh, Linky" she said "always so looks like you need some time alone."

"Wait, what are you..."Was all he could say before she had vanished into thin air.

Hours later...

Link managed to break free, but was still trapped in the room. He broke a jar and and found a fairy.

Link tried not to cry from relief. "Get Zelda's help, she's my only hope! Save me, Zelda!" The fairy was almost out of the room when Link called it back. "Tell her I said this..." Five minutes later the fairy left with Shakespeare quotes swirling about its too much later the door opened revealing Ruto from behind with an army of zoras.

"Are you ready,darling Link darling." She asked, practically glowing from excitement.

Link fell backwards onto the floor and scooted into the corner as Ruto and her entourage of zoras reached for him.

"Come on zelda... I don't have much time"he said quietly to himself as he was grabbed up and escorted out.


End file.
